This above all: To thine own self be true.- Hamlet

Finals time. I'm having the hardest time pushing through. I've been doing so much and I am exhausted. It'll be done tomorrow. Thank god.

Anyway, just got an apartment with Erin :) I'm pretty stoked. Hopefully staying here is going to workout ( I know...I owe some phone calls)! So, with that said, I've made a decision on my future. I've avoided announcing it just yet, because I still haven't been given the final word back from the people that make the final decision. It's going to feel somewhat like a step back. However, I can really see that if I don't make this small step back, I will never make it as far forward as I am hoping and dreaming to. Sometimes, you've got to leap.

I'm very hopeful now. Things are really looking like they are moving in a beautiful direction. This summer will be perfect to prepare me for what I've set up (no matter what option ends up getting thrown at me--Brown or the Bay--and yes, it's still up in the air. They need to decide now :) I made my call. They just need to approve.). 

Anyway,  I was playing around on facebook and someone posted this tumblr about sororities and frats. That, in combination with all of the skeezy anoncon stuff, made my head explode. It's so demotivating to see how sad people are...I would like to believe that sexuality was once a beautiful thing. Now it just seems to be something we solicit.... So much beauty lost in the process... Maybe if all else fails, I can become some sort of monk, or something.

Seriously though, people are really like this?

Maybe I do want to study now...

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar

Wait, so today isn't Friday the 13th? So, today was just naturally this stupid? Damn it!

This ridiculousness is exhausting me.
So, now it is definitely time for a good old rant.

I've made this new goal of using animated gifs every time I want to post something. I feel like it makes this stuff exponentially more amusing.

So, life has been hard. Duh. Sill trying to figure it out. I'm not quite sure what i'll be doing yet. I just wish the other elements in my life would simplify. So much unnecessary extra difficulty. Ugh. First, I am so tired of going out of my way for people. I go seriously out of my way for a lot of the people in my life and they are totally unappreciative. It's really a bummer that I spend so much energy on doing these things and instead I am treated like this after.

Second, I've been really trying hard to find happiness. I just can't help but feel that I need out of this place, position, and/or point of my life in order to be happy. So, I am trying my best to work on things in me. I think changing my outlook would really benefit me. I feel like it would really help this depression wave turn around. However, it's really hard when everyone around me has such a negative outlook and self-image. I can't quite find a way to break through it. On that note, I really enjoyed this article: http://www.purposefairy.com/3308/15-things-you-should-give-up-in-order-to-be-happy/

Lastly, I know I've been much different lately. I think this has left people with a really bizarre image of me. This is especially true for new people in my life. However, I am so disappointed to see how many people assume such negative things. It's really a sad outlook. I just keep trying my best to not care about this perturbed and distorted image.

I've just really been having a hard time being extraordinarily careful about how the things I do will look. I really think it's not a bad thing either. I truly hoped it would help draw in people whom could easily judge a situation, place, or person, but don't. I find fascination and deep respect for people whom go against the norm and are deeply open-minded. Being around that would be such a positively influential experience. I guess, I just feel like I have enough exhausting elements of my life and would love some enlightening ones. I guess I just have to live my life with the wise words of sir Dr. Seuss.

"Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter."-Dr. Seuss.

I give up.

Are you serious?

I give up.

This is fucking absurd.

Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place.

times seem to always be getting rougher

Someday there will be someone whom is honored to give me a Ph.D, happy about having me as a researcher, motivated to have me as a professor, proud to have me as their girlfriend, excited about treating me highly respectably, and unselfish enough to not hurt me. I can only hope it's in this lifetime.

Stats...

Get it? I chose U Pikachu? Stats jokes...har har. Maybe Statistical Mechanics is getting to me...

Look around your world pretty baby. Is it everything you hoped it would be?

Julie? Different? Har har. Maybe I haven't changed as much as I thought. ;)

The only difference? I am unstoppable.

Ok, but seriously. Things are okay. I am getting back on track in life. I know what I need, but my heart is a strong fucker. If it wants something that isn't what I need, it sure is a battle. I just need to focus my heart on the right things.

On another note, I've been really trying to neglect the future. I really fear how undetermined it is. Today I remembered my Berkeley versus Brown dilemma and that things are going to start unfolding soon. I fear it so much. I don't know how to unremember that time it almost up for answers. Maybe the distractions that I am randomly passionate about are a good thing.

Cross your fingers, pray for me, or do whatever it is you do to make things lucky.

"If there was a better way to go then it would find me. I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me. Be kind to me, or treat me mean. I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine."-Fiona Apple